I was having no luck when it came to dating – I always seemed to ask the girl out too soon, or not soon enough, or I’d get the words ground up on my tongue, or her bus would arrive too early, or the meal made me gassy, et c. So I wrote an algorithm that calculates the best time and words to use when making a break from the friendzone. I’m making $420k a month from sales of the app, but I’m still single.
When Joanne opened the door, she found the source of the doorbell’s incessant ringing to be an unkempt man almost 7 feet tall, dressed in patchwork animal furs and shoes the size of melons.
“You’re a writer, Robert!” he exclaimed when he saw her, a gap-toothed smile creasing open his ragged face. “And not just any writer, but the Boy who Sold!”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Joanne said, and when he tried to grab her away she emptied in his face both barrels of her beanbag shotgun.