the tamago report

Eggs benedictated

Tag: short story

A SHORT STORY ABOUT ALGORITHMIC LOVE.

by MDY

I was having no luck when it came to dating – I always seemed to ask the girl out too soon, or not soon enough, or I’d get the words ground up on my tongue, or her bus would arrive too early, or the meal made me gassy, et c. So I wrote an algorithm that calculates the best time and words to use when making a break from the friendzone. I’m making $420k a month from sales of the app, but I’m still single.

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A SHORT STORY ABOUT WRITING AND WIZARDRY.

by MDY

When Joanne opened the door, she found the source of the doorbell’s incessant ringing to be an unkempt man almost 7 feet tall, dressed in patchwork animal furs and shoes the size of melons.
“You’re a writer, Robert!” he exclaimed when he saw her, a gap-toothed smile creasing open his ragged face. “And not just any writer, but the Boy who Sold!”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Joanne said, and when he tried to grab her away she emptied in his face both barrels of her beanbag shotgun.

A SHORT STORY ABOUT METAMORPHOSES.

by MDY

I turn into a rabbit at the worst possible times, like when I’m trying to play it cool with a girl or getting told my presentation just doesn’t cut it by a client. I can’t even hop, just sit there and tremble with my buck-teeth at a gawky angle. I told my therapist it feels like I’ve been slapped in the face by a metal bar, only from the inside out, but all he did was prescribe me Prozac for a 1.2kg body mass.